Tuesday, October 31, 2006

1st Blog Post. Here Goes Nuthin'! Part I

Last spring semester, Conseula taught Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns. For some reason, I guess to serve as some sort of introduction to the Batman character, she also showed her class Hanna-Barbera's SuperFriends. I'd already read The Dark Knight a thousand times, but the SuperFriends, I hadn't seen them in years, and being a child of the sixties, I totally (afro)geeked out and watched the entire season in a single sitting. This is what I learned. The writers had to have been licking tabs of acid off of underaged hookers asses before they sat down to write. There is no other reasonable explanation for what happened on screen.

I'm sure that most of you are already familiar with the premise of the show: The SuperFriends hang out in their Hall of Justice, waiting for the TroubleAlert to notify them of ... well ... trouble. Said trouble usually comes in the form of one of the Legion of Doom's weekly plans to take over ... wait for it ... the ENTIRE FREAKIN' UNIVERSE.

Okay, I get that Lex Luthor and his band of merry misfits are supposed to be crazy. I understand crazy. Normal crazy is when you wait in the cold all night outside of Walmart to get an Xbox on the first day they're released. Comic book crazy is when you clench your armored fist and vow to do away with the heroes who stand in your way of conquering the world. Even the most fargone, foaming at the mouth inmate, strapped to a bed in a drooling academy never dreams of taking over the universe.

How in the hell does the Legion of Doom plan to carry this off? The edges of the known universe extend so far out that there's no point in measuring it. It must (even in reality, let alone in the minds of peyote chewing Hanna-Barbera writers) contain untold numbers of civilizations at technological levels ranging from low-browed brutes wielding pointy sticks and stones knives to hydrocephalic greys with god-like powers. It would take forever just to go from one end to the other (does the universe actually have an end?). Luthor and his idiotic ensemble intend to conquer it? WTF?!

More to follow.


claire said...

But isn't the Federation in Star Trek also seeking to take over (but in the nicest way, because they have the best rules and are made up of really delightful creatures) the universe? So is it taking over the universe or what you plan to do with it that is so whacked?

brian said...

Au contraire non chere. The Federation is not trying to take over the universe in any sense. The Federation is only active in one quadrant of only a single galaxy. In fact, they don't even control that quadrant.

If I understand it correctly, the Federation does not seek to control any civilization. They _do_ invite civilizations that have developed warp drive to join the Federation. As for those civilization who have not yet developed FTL technology, the Federation simply observes them.

Luthor, and his gang of idiots seek to control the ENTIRE UNIVERSE like Machiavellian princes.

Walter said...

well, alright! first of all, what i want to know (re: tabs of acid of underage hookers behinds) is did consuela say something: "BRIAN! People at school read this!!!!" (i get that one a lot).

next: One day, while googling H R Puffinstuff (get aload of "puffin' stuff") i found a good site actually written by the hanna barbara people and they confirmed a lot of things like tabs of acid. I don't know about the underage hookers, however.

Good first post!

claire said...

well I will accept your word on Star Trek -- but Lex Luthor is not Machiavellian -- for a true machiavellian would understand that because values clash one can never control the entire universe (heck, they cannot even control hearts and minds of one country -- you have to choose: hearts or minds.

Alison said...

And please to remember the Federation's Prime Directive, of not interfering with the natural development of any primitive (non warp drive having) culture.

Anonymous said...

But more importantly, how do the Wonder Twins morph into non-human, let alone non-mammalian entities? Just where did that bucket holding the water come from? What the heck do they have to do with the original Marvel and DC superheroes? How does one protect the known universe by turning into an eagle and an ice cube, assisted by a vocal monkey. Never mind the evil geniuses--what's up with the heroes?

claire said...

But Alison -- all the good Star trek episodes are about their wrestling with and even violating the prime directive (there's that next generation one where they transfer all the people of the planet to a ship b/c their home planet is about to be destroyed)

Alison said...

Yes, well, what good is a Prime Directive if you're not going to wrestle with and/or violate it? At least they're trying!

And yes, D, those damn Wonder Twins don't make any sense at all. Plus, they're the owners of Gleep, the worst sidekick animal of all time.